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Rarely have they been depicted with traditionally masculine traits.

With a few exceptions, Asian men on screen have been small, sneaky and threatening — or spineless, emasculated wimps, or incompetents who may well be technically proficient in martial arts, but impotent when faced with white man’s superior strength or firepower. Even today, Asian American men complain that action heroes such as Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan rarely get the girl.

There are hardly enough books depicting foreign women with Chinese boyfriends or husbands. When you have a Chinese husband or boyfriend, sometimes you feel as if you belong to a lonely club. One of my dearest e-mail friends, a woman from Germany, once found me on the net because she had a — then — Chinese boyfriend and yearned to find someone to share her experience with.

Off the top of my head, I can think of Rachel De Woskin’s Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China and Repeat After Me: A Novel, Nicole Mones’ Lost in Translation, and Pearl S. So I began to wonder — why are there so few Chinese guys and foreign girls becoming couples?

When I’m in China, I tend to turn a lot of heads, especially in the countryside — and that’s not just because I’m a foreigner.

It’s because I’m often seen holding hands with my Chinese husband.

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But he said he was never able to satisfy her (yes, in way), so they parted.

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Generally, the pressure to split up comes from the family since, after all, in China, marriage is a family affair.

There was one Chinese boyfriend who told me, flat out, that his parents would never accept me.

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